Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Last shall be First

Tonight I am kinda sad, been angry all day long. But, I am thankful for the ability to bridle my tongue, and that I can "be angry and sin not".

I am sad because it hurts me so to be angry with the people I love. My prayer tonight is that the Lord will teach me how to communicate better, if it be His will, and how to continue to strive to put the law of kindness into practice.

As I am tempted to voice all my concerns tonight, and just cry and cry and hope someone listens... I am not. I have had an otherwise good day, so far as things go, so why ruin it now by being even more hurt and angry when no one listens to me.

I still have no idea what the Lord is trying to teach me, but I do know that I have so much more to learn. I long to be that virtuous woman so highly esteemed in the Word, so often quoted and talked about but seldom practiced. I long to be praised and adored by my husband, for my children to praise me as well. More than anything I long to please my Lord, and to hear Him say someday "well done".

So tonight, as I lie here and pray silently, I am thankful. I pray for Him to comfort me and keep me, and I also pray for Him to reveal my heart to those closest to me, if it be His perfect will. Maybe they will begin to see things from a different perspective, and we can all learn to communicate a little better.

It may seem that I come last to those I love, and I can live with that, no matter how much it hurts, I will do all for His glory, and remember this scripure:

Luke 13:30 the last shall be first and the first shall be last

Friday, August 6, 2010


Ya know, I've been pondering something these last couple of days.... wondering what it REALLY means to TRUST JESUS. Wondering what it is that I am missing, and why it seems that actually trusting Him is so hard for me at times.
I know I tend to oversimplify things. But the word tells us to examine ourselves, and this is something I've painstakingly learned to do over the years. I'm constantly trying to figure out why I do certain things, say things, feel the way I do about something, on and on, trying to see what's UNDER there and why. I know if I have a problem, I have to get right to the core of it, even if it's painful, otherwise I cannot grow stronger in Him.
So in seeking and praying about this TRUST issue, here are a few things I have concluded (however elementary)
I am the one who I do not really Trust: I know the answers I need are in Gods word, its full of words just for me, from Gen 1:1 to the very end. But I don't trust myself to read it or understand it correctly, and feel I may be missing something when I'm searching for answers.
When I pray, I know He gives me what I ask for; but I also fear I may be asking amiss. So I search and search my heart, and try not to pray selfishly, as if I could know better than God or try to tell Him what to do. And still I wonder, what are my intentions, what am I REALLY saying to the One who sees straight through to the heart of me?
I've been an "independent" woman most of my adult life (and the better part of my childhood really). Even though some would say this a wonderful character trait to possess, I would have to disagree somewhat. In learning to be totally independent, because I've literally had no other flesh and blood to love me or to count on; I'm afraid I've become TOO set in my ways. When it comes to some things, it's easy for me to run to Jesus to rescue me, like things that are so obviously out of my hands, and have to be left up to Him no matter what. But when it comes to the more day to day decision making issues, I tend to have the "i've got this" attitude. After all, I'm a professional at managing my life, and my home right? HA I had to laugh out loud when I read that. Truth is, I've messed up soooooo many times over my life, and I don't mean on the little things. I mean when I make a mess of my life it is HUGE and is not easily cleaned up! Some of the messes I've made have literally taken YEARS to clean up. Still He reaches down in His gentle loving way, chastises me when I need it, rescues me every single time, and keeps cleaning me up and letting me start over again. This is something that AMAZES me about my Lord. He is so Longsuffering. Why He has set me apart I will NEVER know.
Finally, I know what I'm most afraid of, is having to deal with any more pain in my life. HAHA Like we could do anything to prevent it or sidestep it in any way if the Lord would have us go Through something painful. I just find deep down inside that I may be terrified, or even petrified of Hurting. I feel I may not be able to bear any more pain, physically or otherwise, considering I've had enough to last me about 3 lifetimes so far.
Yet I know the ONLY answer for this is to learn to TRUST JESUS, because He is my protector and without Him I'm literally nothing without Him. His strength is made perfect in me, when I am weakest. His perfect love with cast off all my fears. So I've come full circle, I have no choice but to TRUST Him, with every single aspect of my life. And this I will do if I have to go from day to day, hour to hour, or one 5 minute interval to the next. I just cannot afford to take my eyes of Jesus. HE is my Beloved, and I am His.
I know it would be much easier to Trust Him if He were literally here with me in the flesh. If I could audibly hear his Voice say my name, if I could feel His loving arms embrace me. I know if I could lay at His feet, with my head on his lap, and feel Him stroke my hair with His strong hands and tell me how much he loves me, while I cry and cry and cannot stop trembling, that ALL would be OK. Maybe THEN I could find it so easy to Trust Him.
Even now I realize that He is the only true Lover of my soul, that He has never ever left me, let me down, or taken His eyes off of me for one second. He is the only One who has ever Truly loved me.

Trust in him at all times; [ye] people, pour out your heart before him: God [is] a refuge for us. Selah. Psalm 62:8

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

It's THAT time again!

Well, school will be officially starting soon, and the vaccine campaigns are in full swing!
They have changed the law in TN to "require" even more shots when entering Kindergarten or 7th grade, and of course are reminding and encouraging and bullying (if necessary) everyone they can possibly into getting more shots for their children.

Here I stand, feeling literally like the ONLY person in this little town, who is begging and pleading with everyone to JUST SAY NO TO ANY AND ALL VACCINES!

I am running behind getting started this year, there are fliers to print out, phone calls to make, blog posts to write :) and many many prayers to send up.

I know if I can save just ONE child from getting another stupid pointless poison filled shot, or change just ONE parents mind for good, then I have not labored in vain.

I watched the documentary called Vaccine Nation today (well got thru part of it anyway, and was so emotional I had to postpone watching the rest). I had to make myself view it so I could refresh my memory of all the reasons why I continue to do what I do. Not to mention my own personal story, which I know I also need to publish. As if that wasn't enough, a friend of mine just informed me that she let her 2 yr old daughter get the MMR, and "she is fine". Well, I am heartbroken and afraid for her, and can do nothing about it but pray! And try harder to reach the next parent I come in contact with. I have to convince these people that they are poisoning their children! Abusing them and hurting them! It's the most evil there is in this nation presently, second only to infanticide. I just can't get started tonight on this, i haven't the emotional energy left in me.
May the Lord let me live another day, and save one more baby.

Please pray for me, that I will have the strength to run this race, and the boldness to debate the liars (ie: doctors, AAP, so on) who poison our children.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Never believe anything anyone tells you! Study for yourself!

So, upon reading my scriptures last night, it hit me again! The same AHA moment I have often anymore while reading.....
I am completely BLOWN AWAY by the truth in God's Word, that is totally CONTRARY to anything I have been taught, and the foundation I have been raised on since I was a child.

Sure there is some truth somewhere in these doctrines that the churches stand on, but they are professionals at twisting the scripture, and convincing you that they know what they are talking about and you should trust them.
( i think they do this for one: they are prostitute whore churches whose foundation is destroyed, whose head is not Christ but the government, and for two: because they want to find a way to keep their pet sin)
Once I started reading through the Bible for myself, I have discovered MUCH that I have been deceived about.

For starters:
There is no such thing as "the sinners prayer"
There are tons of commandments, not just TEN of them!
The Old Testament IS for today, and is FULL of prophecy! (also it is a timeline and you can actually date the earth, which is only roughly 6000 years old, not MIIIIILLLLIIIOONNS of years like the evolutionists would have one believe)
and YES Paul was talking to US when he wrote his epistles to the churches. THEY ARE FOR TODAY, and we ARE supposed to do what the Word says....

I will expound on these later and add much more to the list of my discoveries. and don't take my word for it, pick up the KJ Holy Bible and read it for yourself! :)

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? Ps 11:3

Friday, June 18, 2010

New to Blogging

Hey ya'll! I have decided to start blogging if I can ever grab a spare minute!
why? to keep what sanity I have left, and to share the thoughts in my head while they are there, before they disappear!
Should be interesting tryna figure this site out, in between chasing the baby around :)
(and YES, I do realize I am being spied on constantly by Google, who is a total bed partner with the CIA, and NO, I don't give a care... they all need to REPENT!)
PS: I also realize I am probably talking to myself, but does doing so in a blog make it insanity?